My Incredible Dad

I meant to post this on Father's Day, but it's been an interesting week with a lot of positives and negatives, and Sunday I was feeling just a little overwhelmed with everything.  We enjoyed Father's Day very much, our last day before James returned home, so I think all of our minds were elsewhere (Sorry Brent and Dad).  But I wanted to post about my dad.  A year or so ago I posted about my mom; then I stopped blogging pretty much altogether, so I had never gotten a post done about my dad.

I don't remember not being a daddy's girl, and it was so hard for me when my parents' divorced and I did not live with him anymore.  I loved my mom deeply, but I wanted to live with my dad, and it was so hard.  I felt like I had more in common with him.  My dad loved adventure, much like my mom, and I remember him introducing me to adventures when I was very young.  He introduced me to my love of horses, swimming, hiking, and other outdoor activities that I do not have enough time to participate in these days.  And in all of that, he taught me to get back up when I fell or to push harder when I was scared or tired.

My dad is also one of the calmest people I know.  He pretty much maintains he same calmness no matter what the situation.  I can remember a few times in my life when he got angry or emotional, but they are few and far between.  I definitely did not inherit this gene from him, though I wish I did.  I can remember as a teenager breaking rules or curfew and my dad hearing about it.  The way he calmly handled it puts my parenting to shame.  I wish I could say it made me change my behavior immediately, but it took some time.  However, his words and actions stick with me today.

My dad was/is loads of fun!  He was our pastor and youth pastor and when I was in junior high and high school, he directed our youth camp.  I loved that he was at camp with me.  It never occurred to me that most kids liked camp partly for the break it gave them away from family.  I was proud that my dad was there, and I was proud of how fun he made everything.  We had a little rural camp in Nebraska that did not have any of the fun perks that many camps have, not even a pool, but I didn't know any different.  I remember my first year in college when I went with Brent to his camp, which was on a beautiful college campus.  I was so disappointed.  No offense to the Tri-State District of the Wesleyan Church, but camp was blah!  When you have all the amenities, there is no need for creative, fun activities.  My dad planned huge scavenger hunts and other fun games.  We went tubing down the river, and just in general spent tons of time laughing and learning while doing simple activities.  It was a blast!

As an adult, my dad has provided great encouragement, and he continues to teach me all the time.  He's reminded me many times of how important it is to rely on God and to be obedient to Him, even when it is not easy.  He has given when he has not had much to give.  He has shown me unconditional love, and has shown the same to my husband and children.  Dad, I love you so much, and I thank God that you are the earthly dad that He chose for me!!

My Children's Teachers

It's the night before the last day of school for David and Sarah.  As I finished packaging up "Thank you" gifts for their teachers with accompanying notes, I was again reminded of what a blessing my children's teachers have been over the years, both here and in Oklahoma.  When we moved here, we made a decision to transition our kids not only from one state to another but from private school to public school.  We were a little nervous not knowing what the schools were like here or even what it was like to go to public school in the 2000s since James and Jason had been in private school.  We have not regretted the decision.  Almost every year I have had a sense of sadness over moving to a new teacher because we have grown so attached to the one we have.  Tonight was no different as I wrote the teacher notes.  It's especially hard with Sarah's teachers because I know there's no hope of having that teacher again since she's the youngest.  Sarah has had ALL the same teachers as David with the exception of Kindergarten.

This year she had Mrs. Heffernan.  We appreciate her energy and the fact that she likes to have fun.  She also appreciates art and has drawn out the creative side of Sarah this year.  It has been fun to hear Sarah tell stories about Mrs. Heffernan and write songs for and about her.  Everyone loves that Mrs. Heffernan has a great sense of humor.  What a great year it has been for Sarah!!!

David had Mrs. Hilliard.  We also LOVE her.  At his conference at the beginning of the year, she was teary talking about how much she loved David and loved how he loves Jesus and loves other people.  As Brent and I sat and listened to her we both got choked up.  It was so incredible to hear his teacher appreciating this part of his character.  She was a great motivator for David.  He worked hard to please her and met his goal of being on honor roll.  We saw a significant change in his work ethic both last year and this year, and I thank his teachers for this.

We've had so many other teachers in our lives who I could list, but I fear leaving someone out accidentally.  Teachers work so hard and they give so much to so many children.  I don't know how they do it.  I know I couldn't.  Thank you to all the teachers out there who have influenced me and my children.

Chris

Many years ago I was blessed with an incredible internship that led to a career I never expected, but more importantly to friends I never imagined.  One of those friends is Chris.

Because of all my moves when I was a child, I really didn't have many lifelong friends.  I have one friend from high school, who means the world to me, but who I have not seen in 19 years.  I have many  classmates who I am able to have regular contact with on Facebook, which is awesome!!!  And there are a few people out there who I knew as a young child, but not many.  Brent, on the other hand, only moved a couple times in his life, and he has friends from his childhood who he has regular contact with often.  When we were in our early married years, I found myself jealous of his friendships.  It was totally wrong of me, but a reality.  I felt cheated out of something in my childhood!

I have gotten over it, but a couple weeks ago I had a new revelation.  Our friends, the Luton's, came to visit.  I met Chris my first day at DHS in May of 1994, and I thought she was awesome!!!  I wanted to learn to be a social worker just like her.  She is a couple years older and had experience that I did not have.  We became friends quickly and I grew to like her as a friend, not just as a mentor in my job, and over time our husbands got to know each other and then her oldest son and Jason became friends.  And we both had our youngest two children close to the same time as each other, which was fun.  I miss their family so often, but when they were here, I really remembered just how much I miss them, and it was truly awesome to see all of our kids all grown up enjoying each other.  One night Chris and I went for a walk, and during that time, I realized that now that I'm over 40, I do have friends who I have known for at least half of my life, who really know me and with whom I share fun memories, memories even more significant than those I would have with friends from childhood . . . exciting, happy times, incredibly difficult times, and just funny stories.  It was great to reminisce and talk about how we have changed and what our future dreams are.  I am so thankful for the people God has put in my life, specifically tonight for Chris, Robert, Jake, Evie, and Henry.  I often talk about the strange way I fell upon my career, which I think has already been posted, but in thinking about that, it had not occurred to me how God provided me with such an amazing friend (and actually there are other people from DHS that have impacted my life in significant ways) through the stumbling upon of my internship.  What a blessing!!!

Day Four

I fell behind yesterday.  Boo!!!  I fell behind in my writing but not in counting my blessings.  Yesterday I was feeling kind of anti-social, but we had a church barbecue last night, and I felt like I should be there.  Brent’s never been one to force me to do something I really don’t want to do, so I am sure he would have let me stay home.  I thought about it, but I also realized there was no real reason for me not to go.  In the end, I had a great time!  So last night I was thankful that somewhere along the line I learned the lesson that I need to be self-disciplined and sometimes I need to do things I don’t really want to do.

I truly love our church family, so that was not it at all; I was just longing to be lazy.  We are having barbecues every other Saturday night this summer, and last night was the second.  In the end, I had such a great time watching the kids play on the bounce house and moving from person to person to get caught up on life.  Bounce houses are great babysitters!  All the kids played and squealed (out of joy) while the adults sat at tables and talked.  It is easy in the summer to lose track of people because everyone is busy and often people miss church or rush in and out without good conversation.  I was able to enjoy good fellowship and good food last night!  It was a blessing. 

Day Three

Today I am thankful for my career I have and for the countless number of children (and parents, both biological and foster/adoptive) who have had an impact on my life.  Though I am the one who is supposed to teach and help them, it is often the case that they teach and help me in even greater ways.

I was at dinner with a friend tonight (someone who is also a blessing in my life).  She had her daughter with her, a little girl who was in the foster care system, someone who could have been my client, someone who has in her short life experienced more loss than I can imagine.  Yet I watched as she sat across from us at the table eating her hamburger and making mountains (or something else in her imagination) out of her french fries, and she was happy, truly full of joy.  I am sure there are times when she feels confused and sad, but today she was perfectly content, smiling and singing as her mom and I talked.  She was more patient than I am when waiting for someone to finish a conversation so I can move on to my next activity.

Every day I am faced with children who have been abused and neglected.  Some of them do not cope as well, and some of them do not have the happy adoption ending, but each of them has something to teach the rest of us about life and love and survival.  I could tell story after story, but changing names and other identifying information wears me out when I am writing.  I have learned from them how to appreciate the trials I have gone through.  None of mine compare to theirs.

James 1:27 says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  I have had the opportunity and privilege to do that for the past 19 years.  To me these two concepts:  looking after orphans and widows" and "keeping oneself from being polluted by the world" match each other perfectly.  In my personal experience, looking after orphans has caused me to have to seek God more, which protects me from the other.  In addition, I see what the pollution can do to a person's life and how big of an impact it has on those around the polluted person.  It's heartbreaking.

I remember my first case ever, and I wanted to mention that I learned a lot from the birth parents of the child, too.  I carried it from prevention to adoption.  I saw the heartbreak of the parents, who I believe were doing the best they could, but generations of "pollution" had damaged them to the point that they could not provide for their child.  I used to wish that I could take both the mother and child home with me.  I remember gathering the parents' psychosocial history and thinking, "No wonder."  They needed healthy parents as much as their child did.  Things are not always as they might appear.  It was eye opening.

I am thankful for what God has taught me and how God has molded me through the many people I have been able to serve over the years.  What a blessing!

Day 2 (written on 06/20)

Today is my mom’s 60^th birthday, and she is the blessing I want to count on this day.  Much of my life has been about working with children whose mothers were not available to them for one reason or another.  Just as I am not a perfect mom, neither is my mom, but she has always been there for me.  She loves me, and I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt.  She wants the best for me, wants me to have more than what I deserve.  I know if she could hand me the moon, she would do it.  I am so blessed!

I am grateful for the lessons she has taught me, both by warning me about my bad choices and negative behavior and by encouraging me in the good.  She has always been my cheerleader, cheering me on to do things I wasn’t sure I was capable of or even wanted to do.

I remember my junior year of high school.  It was a tough year because I transferred schools just before that year.  I was struggling with not being accepted into the National Honor Society (I know, I’m a nerd).  I had the grades, but I was new to the school, and many of the teachers did not know me.  You had to have teacher recommendations.  I remember going home (actually to the group home where mom was subbing as house parent) the day I found out I did not make it and just lying on her bed and crying.  She was so upset for me that she wanted to call the school and fight for me.  I would not let her, but she did hug me and let me cry and cheered me on for the next year (I did make it senior year).

As much as I often complained, too, she took me on many adventures (mostly in the form of camping, which I still do not like).  I think it was through these adventures that I became courageous and headstrong.  When I was in 5^th grade I think, mom decided we needed to take a trip together.  The world was different back then, but I still cannot believe we did what we did.  We crossed over the Mexico border (just the two of us) and stayed in some small motel.  We shopped, neither one of us knowing any Spanish, went on walks, played games, and had a super time.   When I was in high school, we frequently went camping in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.  I remember filtering water in the river to drink, going on long hikes up to elevations that gave me such intense headaches, stopping at berry fields along the way and picking berries, running across snakes and other not so fun creatures.  Though I don’t like to camp, I do like hiking and reaching peaks (literally and figuratively).  I still get that same feeling of accomplishment as I remember feeling the first time I hiked to the top of a mountain.

I also think it is through my mother that I grew to love others, especially those with less than what I have.  My mom was always helping others, either foster children or homeless people or the elderly or our neighbors, whoever needed her.  I remember making too much food at Thanksgivings and Christmases and taking the food to homeless people under bridges.  Brent and I now take our children to feed and love on our friends without homes.

Mom, if you ever read this, I love you, and you are such a blessing in my life.  I could go on and on with this list, but these are the things that stand out right now.

Day One

For quite a while now, for one reason or another, I have been reminding myself to remember my blessings. Sometimes it is because I feel so incredibly blessed. Other times it is because I feel quite the opposite and need to give myself a swift kick in the rear and remember all that God does for me all the time. Each time as these thoughts go through my mind, a song I used to sing in church runs through my head, "Count your blessings; name them one by one. Count your blessings; see what God has done. Count your blessings; name them one by one. Count your many blessings; see what God has done." That is all I could remember of that song, so I decided to look it up today to see what the verses say. I think it is worthy of documenting, at least some of the lines. The first, "When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost, count your many blessings; name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done." Another, "Count your many blessings; every doubt will fly, and you will be singing as the days go by." It's just so important to remember what God has done, especially in times of discouragement.

The end of Nehemiah 8:10 says, "The joy of the Lord is your strength." Sometimes life is too much, and it tries to take me down. I become weak in all the grief I experience. It is important or me to remember that my joy comes from God, and that joy from/of God is my strength. I think one way to maintain that joy is to remember the blessings. My goal is to think of blessings for 365 days. I don't know if I will actually post every day, especially once my break from school is over, but I am going to keep track in a notebook and then post when I can. When Brent and I were first married, we had a book called 14000 Things To Be Happy About. It was a pretty silly book, though I must say it's pretty impressive that someone took the time to think of all those things, even if some of them were superficial. I figure if someone can come up with 14000 things, I should certainly be able to come up with 365 blessings.

I'm going to start off tonight with something I think I take for granted, but I was reminded tonight. God blessed us with our neighborhood. Our friends, the Pelishek's, have been leading a little Bible study for the kids in their cul-de-sac. They just live down the road, so we attend. Tonight as I looked at the backs of all the kids' heads, I realized how grateful I am. On our cul-de-sac alone, we have kids galore. Next door is a rental, and God saw fit to have a family move in who has a daughter Sarah's age and a son David's age. Really? What were the chances of that? I am so thankful! They are such a nice family, too. The kids are well-behaved, and we enjoy the parents. Plus we live in a cul-de-sac! Our kids can run and play in the front, ride their skateboards, play crazy games like skateboard tag, and we don't have to worry about them getting hit by a car. Almost all of the people on the street have kids, so they are careful when they turn on the street. I love that our neighborhood is full of kids, and that our kids are a close walking distance to their friends.

Thank you, God, for our neighborhood!